The Three Kates

 

The Three Kates

9/7/23

 

In our old neighborhood lived the three Kates. They laughed at the coincidence of their names and became good friends. All retired, they went out to lunch often and went to one another’s homes and had cocktails. It went on this way for many years.

Kate-1 and Kate-2 were widows. I knew them when their husbands were alive, and I attended the funerals. They gave each other emotional support, and they both remained in the expansive homes they had purchased with their husbands many years previously. It always struck me that they wanted to hang on to those very large houses, but they each had enjoyed many years of happy memories in their homes. As for the third Kate, Kate-3 had been in her home even longer. It was a beautiful and unique home that she and her husband Bill had purchased when the neighborhood was just established. They had extensively remodeled it over the years, and they remained very happy there. All lived within two blocks of each other in the same small neighborhood. Kate-1 could see Kate-3’s house from her front yard. Kate-2 lived one street over.

Kate-1’s husband had died first. Greg suffered a long and tragic death from a progressive neurological problem. As a result of this experience and earlier experiences with medical treatment, Kate-1 had a morbid fear of any type of medical intervention, especially anything that included needles. She had no medical provider and never got checkups. She was a committed nonparticipant with any type of preventive healthcare whatsoever.

Kate-2’s husband died a few years later, after suffering a massive stroke while the family was at their vacation home on one of the many pretty rivers in north Florida. Guy lived only a few days after the stroke.  I remember going to his funeral and hearing a family friend play guitar and sing “I’ll Fly Away”. I’d never heard of their friend before the funeral, but it was clear from the performance that he was a professional musician. I went home and looked him up. He was a recording artist who had played with a band and recorded albums in the country music genre. He had been good friends with Kate-2 and Guy for many years.

We lived in our house in that neighborhood for 15 years, seeing the Kates and other neighbors at somewhat regular intervals at community events and homeowners’ meetings. Finally, we decided to downsize and move closer to the downtown area. A few months after the move, we held an open house at our new home and the three Kates came together to the party. By then, Kate-2 was experiencing more complications from her longstanding problems with rheumatoid arthritis . She got around with the help of a scooter and her friends. Kate-1 became her staunch supporter and protector and helped Kate-2 be much more active than she would have been had she not had her friend there to help and encourage her.

Finally, about six months ago, Kate-2’s mobility and manual dexterity had been so severely impacted by arthritis that she had to give up her house and seek an assisted living facility for help with her basic needs. Once again, Kate-1 was there to help in locating a suitable place, helping Kate-2 move a few favorite pieces of furniture, and making arrangements right down to hanging pictures on the walls. Kate-1 then visited Kate-2 several times a week, just as in the past, but after a 20-minute trip instead of a two minute trip.

 Sadly, the new arrangement for the friends did not last long. In June of this year, Kate-1 developed pneumonia. Due to her fear of anything related to medical care, she stayed home in her big house and put off going in for an evaluation when she became short of breath. As a result, her condition became grave and she required intensive care and ventilatory support. After several weeks in the hospital, she was finally discharged to a long-term care facility for pulmonary rehabilitation.  She did pretty well and finally went home, but she went downhill again soon afterward and was readmitted to the hospital in early August.

During this time, I visited Kate-2 a few times at her assisted living facility. It was a nice place. She was in good spirits, but worried about her friend, Kate-1. Aside from Kate-1, Kate-2 had only a few friends left, including Kate-3 and husband, who called and came by less frequently. Early in August, when I took lunch to the ALF, we talked about the possibilities. “I don’t think she’s going to make it”, said Kate-2 about Kate-1. She had a bad feeling about her friend. Kate-2 was a retired nurse and she knew that the signs weren’t good. Kate-2 was frustrated because her arthritis and immobility prevented her from visiting Kate-1 or helping her in any way. She told me that she was sad when she thought about how her life was turning out.

A couple of weeks later, I went back to the ALF, taking my husband and some more lunch for the visit. It was a Friday. As soon as we walked in, Kate-2 asked if we had heard the news. “Kate-1 died last night at about 8:00 pm” she said. Sad news for everyone, but especially Kate-2. She had lost someone that she considered a sister. After some remembrances of the old days, we started to talk about Kate-2’s goals. She was pretty immobile but hoping to start transferring without assistance soon. Other than her terrible arthritis, there really wasn’t anything physically wrong with her. Eventually we left and walked to our car. When we got inside I said “I’m really worried about Kate-2. Losing her friend leaves her with very little to connect her or give her a reason to go on”.

The next week, I went on a long-delayed vacation. I posted lots of photos to Facebook, and Kate-2 “liked” a number of them. I returned home the first of September. A few days later, I saw a notice in Facebook about a neighborhood celebration for Kate-1, who had died of respiratory failure in the hospital three weeks previously. I thought I’d like to attend the gathering, and I started to wonder about Kate-2. Was there some way that she could attend? Had she already made arrangements to go in a wheelchair in someone’s van? Maybe I could have some of the staff at the ALF help transfer her into my car.

I went to Kate-2’s Facebook page to message her, as that was how we usually set up our visits. That’s when I saw her death notice. She had passed away on August 30^th, outliving her friend by less than two weeks. I can’t help but believe that that’s how she wanted it.